Discouraged

I must admit that I have been battling depression and discouragement for the last few weeks. I continue to try to keep my thoughts focused on the things that God wants me to think on. Tonight Pastor preached on discouragement. He is so sensitive to God's leading in his messages. My friend Sherri told me later that it is amazing to her how much God must love Riky and I because every time we are going through something, Pastor's message directly relates to the topic that is heavy on our heart. Often times I wonder how Pastor knows what is going on with us. He doesn't, though. He couldn't. His messages are given to him by God. Of this I am convinced.

So, here I sit. Wishing that God would miraculously take this heaviness off of my heart. My boys recognize it. They are so tuned in to me. They love me so. Which, instead of cheering my soul, makes me feel even worse that they can't have one of those perpetually happy mommies. I am usually so happy. Several times a year, though, I feel as if I can't bear the load that I have to carry. I am right, of course. The Bible tells us: Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 This is what I must do, and I know it to be so. God is able to bear my burdens, if I would just allow him to take them over.

So, back to Pastor's message. He pointed out that GREAT MEN OF GOD were discouraged. Moses asked God to let him die. Job wished that he had never been born. Elijah asked God to kill him. John the Baptist questioned that Jesus was the Messiah. David spoke hastily and said that "all men are liars". I am not better than these men who were discouraged. I am nothing compared to them. And yet, if they were discouraged and remained GREAT MEN OF GOD, going on and continuing to do major works for God. Changing lives, moving people to a saving knowledge of Jesus. I can draw from the fact that my problems and concerns were nothing compared to them. They were leaders of nations, martyrs for Christ, Kings, Prophets. I am a housewife and mother, while still a big job, I think that I can (with God's grace) overcome.

I am discouraged, but I will be fine. I can draw my strength from the Bible. There truly is no new thing under the sun. I can and will rise up out of this. Refined, renewed and strengthened.

This song God keeps putting into my head: I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus- No turning back, no turning back. Tho no one join me, still I will follow, tho no one join me, still I will follow, tho no one join me, still I will follow- No turning back, no turning back. The world behind me, the cross before me, the world behind me, the cross before me, the world behind me the cross before me- No turning back, no turning back.

Pray for me, please. Thanks. : }