There are times in my life when I just need a break. I am not sure if every stay at home mom goes through this or if I am just not as good at this mom thing as I ought to be. I know that time with my Lord is refreshing, but I need time with my husband. I am sure that when the boys are grown and on their own I will look back with all of my new found Riky time and long for time with our whole family back together. I am probably just experiencing a "grass is always greener" moment, but I really just want to be a woman. I grew up in a woman's lib world with a woman's lib mentality. I KNOW that I can do just about anything that Riky can do, but I also know that I shouldn't. I want to be a girl. I want to be treated as such sometimes. I know that I can take charge and run the house, I know that I am capable and able. I just love it when Riky is around to be in charge of everything. It seems that when we are on vacation, we are totally engaged in the roles that God laid out for us. We are together. Riky takes care of everything. He does most of the driving, decision making, hook baiting, ordering, whatever it is we are doing, he is in command of. I help him. It feels so right.
I hate it when he is working. It feels like we are all just going through our day waiting for the "Daddy's Home" moment for our day to start. I do tons of things here to make it easier for him, but I am just getting burnt out. We have no time to just be husband and wife. We are so busy that we have to squeeze us out of the equation to make sure we don't overflow a 24 hour period. Riky got home at 10:15pm last night and had to be to work at 5:45am. Not only that, but Riky is a giving guy. He is frequently asked to help someone with something. I love that if something needs done, he is right there in the middle of it getting it done right. I love that others know they can depend on him, but everything always comes in waves and we are smack dab in the middle of a wave right now. There are times that my jealous streak gets the best of me and I want to scream that HE'S MINE. I know that we can't afford a vacation, and I know that if we don't go far far away, we have to maintain our church responsibilities. I love our church. I love our responsibilities. I love the relationships that we have with the people there. I just sometimes feel like I want to get away from it all and get my marriage refreshed. Is that so bad? My neighbor mentioned that once a week we ought to light a candle, put out some crackers and cheese turn off the phone and call it a date. I am going to try it. The last "date" we were on was on our anniversary (August 20) We also went to a banquet... I can't remember the date, but I do remember there was about 3 feet of snow. It's been a while. I'm sorry for my rambling. My birthday is coming up and it is always a depressing time for me. Riky wants to throw me a big birthday party and I understand that this is a big deal for him. What I would love is to get away, just the two of us. I know how impossible that is, so I will have a fabulous time with everyone for Riky's sake. I love him so much and it will make him so happy if I have a great time. I really want to, too. Thanks for listening to me rant and ramble. Galatians 1:3,4,5
1 comment:
I hear ya! Today is our anniversary and we are doing nothing to celebrate. We're saving up to go see my sister and her new baby in TN in Sept.
At least one night a week is set aside for Josh and I though. It's one more commitment, but by far the most worthwhile one. We put the kids to bed early, and make smoothies and watch a movie. Or we just walk around our yard holding hands and talking while the kids are busy inside. We are fortunate to have a lock on our bedroom door so often we'll just go in there to get away from the kids and read together or just talk. They know not to interrupt unless it's an emergency, and seem to enjoy the break as much as we do.
I'm all too familiar with burn-out, as you know, (LOL) so we're taking the pro-active approach to avoid it as much as possible. You're doing a great job already though. Just keep up the good work. (The song "Just Keep Swimming" from Nemo is running through my head right now. Awwwwww!)
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